


Don’t / Kiss Me

by felentae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Infidelity, M/M, Mutual Pining, but it's not angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 21:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felentae/pseuds/felentae
Summary: Crushing on a best friend is never a good idea. When he’s dating another of your friends, it’s even worse.Or, alternatively, Sehun really wants to kiss Jongin but he doesn't want to fuck up his friendship with either Jongin or Chanyeol.





	Don’t / Kiss Me

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #13005
> 
> This fic took on a life of its own and ended up being way longer than I planned it to be. It's also far from the fic that I wanted it to be. I'm sorry, to my prompter, to all the readers, and especially to my beta, that held me for literally /months/ and pushed me to keep writing (thank you again, by the way).
> 
> The alternative title was 'two guys sitting in a bar booth five feet apart because they're not in love' but it was a bit too long and a bit too ridiculous for the emotional mess that this actually is.
> 
> There's a hidden game of Where's Waldo - Side Pairings Version somewhere in these 20k words. It wasn't intentional, but hey. Have fun.
> 
> Again, I'm sorry. I hope at least one of you enjoys this mess.
> 
> _______________________________________________________________________
> 
> WARNINGS: infidelity, use and abuse of alcohol, descriptions of intoxicated behaviors  
> _______________________________________________________________________

“Hey! Don't touch my fries!”

Jongin laughs with his mouth full, bits of potato falling on the table. Chanyeol scowls and jabs at his ribs. Sehun feels that uncomfortable weight in his stomach that always appears whenever those two are bickering, fighting playfully and smiling at each other.

Yixing observes everything from his corner at the table in distaste and clears his throat loudly, he never liked public displays of affection. Jongin and Chanyeol stop tickling each other and look with an apologetic expression at, surprisingly, Sehun instead of Yixing.

“Ah, Yixing, did I tell you? I bought a new tank for my bike. You have to check it out.”

Oh, yes. The usual Chanyeol-Yixing conversation about motorbikes was taking too long to come up. Sehun takes a sip from his drink and tunes out; it's not like he would understand half of what they're saying. Or that he would care.

Over the top of his glass, Sehun focuses on Jongin, face scrunched between his hands and supported by his elbows just across the table. He’s looking down at his drink with lidded eyes, chewing at his bottom lip and frowning thoughtfully. He looks half drunk already. He's never had that much alcohol tolerance anyway. And maybe neither Sehun, because he can't help but think that tonight Jongin looks especially endearing, with his blonde-dyed bangs falling randomly over his eyes as he steals quick glances at Sehun, his cheeks colored a dust pink that makes his otherwise dark skin lighten up. Every cell in Sehun's body is screaming at him, telling him to jump over the table that separates them, take those full lips between his own and—

“...right, Sehun?”

“Uh?” Sehun visibly flinches, almost dropping his drink. He realizes Yixing was just talking to him and he wasn't listening, too focused on what he shouldn't. On _who_ he shouldn't.

“You didn't hear me? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm okay, I just spaced out for a minute.”

Sehun forces a laugh and tries his best to focus on the conversation, but he can't push out of his system that painful feeling inside his chest every time Jongin's eyes meet his, no matter how much he tries to ignore it for the rest of the night.

 

 

\---

 

 

“Okay, playoff. Whoever wins this round pays for dinner.”

Sehun sighs and takes his controller, flicking through the characters on Jongin's TV.

“I don't know why you won't buy a PS4, it's not like you can't pay for it.”

“Shut up, you love Tekken 5.”

“That's because it's the best Tekken, but it runs on a toaster.”

Jongin finishes selecting his character and the game starts. Sehun wins the first round easily, but the second round is a close match that ends when Jongin manages to do one of the strongest combos.

“You're always so lucky, I don't even know why I keep playing against you,” Sehun sighs, exasperated.

“It's not luck, it's _technique_.”

“Yeah, the _technique_ of smashing all the buttons at the same time.” Sehun straightens up on Jongin's couch as the third and final round begins. “This is the end, watch and learn.”

Jongin's fighter flails helplessly on the screen as Sehun blocks and avoids all hits, sticking out his tongue for extra focus, waiting for the perfect time to release his combo. Just one more second and he's done. He starts hitting the buttons in order but, suddenly, a hand presses against his and takes away the controller. On the screen, Jongin's fighter chains combo after combo. _“K.O.! PERFECT!”_

“You fucking shit!” Sehun punches Jongin's shoulder. “That doesn't count, you _cheated_!”

“Yes it does! You should've paid more attention,” Jongin laughs smugly, totally unrepentant, and uses his arms to shield himself.

“I'm going to pay attention in _killing you_.” Sehun attacks harder this time, landing a punch on Jongin’s ribs.

“Auch– hey! That hurt!” Jongin gets on his knees on the couch and strikes back, pinching Sehun's sides and tickling him. Sehun’s never been a strong person, so his body eventually loses all strength and he falls on his back, fluttering and giggling like an idiot.

“Okay, okay– I'll stop!” There's tears almost coming out of Sehun's eyes, but Jongin is relentless and keeps tickling him. It takes all of his remaining strength to grab Jongin's wrists and pull them above his head to make him stop, and it isn't until after he's done it that he realizes the compromising position they’re in.

They both freeze, Jongin straddling his hips and their faces barely inches apart. Sehun swallows as Jongin looks down at his lips and blushes, then looks back up into Sehun's eyes with an unreadable expression. Sehun thinks that he should release his wrists, but his body isn't following orders and can only stare as Jongin sticks out his tongue and licks at his lower lip. It feels like the whole world stopped spinning and everything disappeared around them, like that precise moment would last forever, with the warmth of Jongin's body spreading down onto his chest and his silent breath making Sehun's hair tickle his forehead. But, before he can decide what to make out of it, the doorbell rings and Jongin jumps out of his reach to open the door.

“I'm here!” Chanyeol announces with a huge smile, and kisses Jongin, taking his waist between his arms, then turning towards the couch, where Sehun is still lying down. “Oh, hello, Sehun.” His face changes just the slightest. Jongin doesn't notice it. Sehun does. “I'm starving, have you two eaten yet?”

“Nope,” Jongin says as he leads Chanyeol towards the couch, and _grins_. “Sehun is paying!”

 

 

\---

 

 

“Chanyeol, seriously. I'm not interested.”

Sehun turns the page of the menu, not really understanding why a coffee shop would need several dozens types of herbal teas.

“Why not? You've been single _forever_. At least you would meet someone new and, you know, brush up your game.”

“My game is perfectly fine, thanks.” Sehun would be offended, if he cared enough.

“I’ve seen it in better shape. What happened to the college fuckboy that had all the guys at his feet, huh?”

“He grew up,” Sehun says, and rolls his eyes at the way Chanyeol raises a brow. “I mean, that shit is tiring. I prefer sleeping at this stage in my life,” he adds, and it’s not exactly _a lie_.

Chanyeol clicks his tongue and taps his phone screen, turning it around to show him a picture of a very attractive guy in a light pink sweater. _Cute_. If only he could forget about Jongin.

“His name is Junmyeon. He's a client at the auto repair shop I work in but we talk a lot every time he brings his car, he's really nice.”

“Mm-hm...” Sehun tunes out and flicks uninterestedly through the sweet coffee combos at the end of the menu. An apple has probably more caffeine than any of these.

“He said last week that he really wants to date, but his co-workers don't even know he's gay so he can't ask for help. So I told him about you!” Chanyeol says with a growing smile on his face.

“You shouldn't have.” Sehun looks up and glares at him, but Chanyeol keeps going like he hadn't notice.

“I showed him your Instagram, he laughed at your dog pics and said you were really hot. He's hot too, I promise. I've seen him in summer clothes.” Chanyeol winks his eye and wiggles his eyebrows. Sehun can't keep his annoyed face anymore and bursts out laughing.

“Will you shut up and go order our coffee if I say I'll consider it?”

Chanyeol grins and springs up from his chair before Sehun has a chance to change his mind, leaving him to sigh and mutter, “I only said _if_...”

 

 

\---

 

 

Sehun hangs up the phone on his desk and stretches back on his office chair. Lunch time, _finally_.

The call center he works at usually isn’t so hectic. Usually, by this time, the lunch room is already full, so he just sticks to eating at his desk. But today everyone seems pretty busy trying to meet the new client's goals, and he finds the place completely empty.

"Oh, you're here. I was wondering where you went," Jongdae says from the door, and goes in, placing his own lunch box on the other side of the table.

"I figured I'd eat at an actual table for once," Sehun mutters around his sandwich.

"Same." Jongdae smiles at him and goes across the room, getting them two of those company water bottles from the counter. "I don't get why everyone is so stressed though, I've been working pretty much like every other day and I'm still on schedule."

"Says the person with the highest sales in the whole office for the last four months," Sehun retorts.

Jongdae chortles. "It isn't my fault that the rest of you can't be as talented as me, Sehun!"

Sehun laughs at Jongdae's joke, inevitably. He certainly has a talent. This is probably the same exact thing that makes him so good at luring people into buying whatever product they're selling that week.

"You should quit and just become a marketing guru or something," Sehun points out.

"Nah. I'm not into swindling poor people," Jongdae says with his mouth full of rice. "If anything, I would like to be a dating guru, you know, like those that harass random girls in the streets, but without the harassing part."

Sehun stops eating his sandwich and stares at Jongdae as he eats completely unconcerned. "So swindling desperate single guys is okay?"

Jongdae looks up from his lunch box and snorts. "Is that really a question?"

"Fair enough," Sehun laughs, and then remembers. "By the way, this Friday is my birthday. You're coming, right?"

"I guess. Who's going?" Jongdae asks, uninterested.

"Everyone, I think. I _hope_. Jongin and Chanyeol are coming. The girls too."

"Hm. Are they still together?"

"Who, Jongin and Chanyeol?" Sehun asks, and Jongdae raises his eyebrows as if Sehun just asked something obvious. "Of course."

" _Of course_ ," Jongdae mimics him, and lets out the most cynical laugh. "I never saw that coming, honestly. How did they even get together, did they bond over their shoe sizes? Their relationship makes _zero_ sense."

"Well, they seem happy," Sehun counters, not really understanding why he gets so defensive about it. "And they're my best friends, so I'm happy for them."

Jongdae smirks and looks at him for the longest time. "Yeah, _of course_."

There's an obvious sarcastic tone in Jongdae's voice, but Sehun chooses to ignore it and continue the conversation. "Kyungsoo is trying to change his Saturday shift to a different night so he can come too, but I don't see that happening."

"What will we do without the life of the party," Jongdae sighs sarcastically, and gets up to wash his lunch box in the sink.

Sehun laughs despite himself. "Kyungsoo is actually fun when you get to know him," he tries to defend him. "Oh, and I invited Yixing too."

Jongdae perks up at that, and turns around after closing the water tap, smiling. "You said Saturday, right? I already had plans, but I guess I can cancel them for my favorite co-worker's birthday party."

Jongdae walks towards Sehun and pinches his cheeks, making him laugh. Sehun swats the hands away and dries his cheeks with the back of his hands – Jongdae didn't even bother to use a towel before touching him. Despite everything, Jongdae is his favorite co-worker too.

 

 

\---

 

 

Sehun opens his door wide and Jongin immediately pulls him into a tight hug that paints the biggest grin on his face. He can't help but squeeze him back.

“Happy birthday, Sehunnie!” Chanyeol squeals and joins the hug, embracing them both easily with his long arms, but he starts bouncing with little excited jumps and quickly they are all losing their balance and pulling apart to avoid making a scene of falling out into the corridor.

It's in that exact moment, as Chanyeol pulls away with an apologetic look, when Sehun realizes that another person is standing right behind him, looking at Sehun with a soft expression that he can't decide whether it shows bashfulness or confidence.

“Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Junmyeon,” he smiles.

Sehun realizes he's been staring for longer than what can be considered polite when the guy offers him his hand with a smirk and a raise of his brows. Confidence it is, then.

_Wait_. Junmyeon? Chanyeol surely has a death wish. Sehun glares at him for the tiniest fraction of a second before taking the hand offered in front of him.

“Sehun. Nice to meet you too. Come in, this is already awkward enough without everyone standing on my threshold.” He releases the hand and throws another death glare at Chanyeol, only longer than the previous one, before gesturing them all inside. Chanyeol doesn't even flinch at the veiled threat.

Sehun's apartment is small, but there's still enough space to host a party for his friends. After taking them to his room to leave their coats in a pile on the bed, Jongin excuses himself to go to the toilet and Chanyeol seizes the opportunity to grab Sehun and Junmyeon under his arms and drag them both, _together_ , to the living room. Very subtle.

“Hey, birthday boy, who's your friend?” Jongdae asks from his position on the couch, completely sprawled next to Yixing and looking Junmyeon up and down without any sense of shame. Sehun has always envied that cockiness, even if he wasn't exactly shy either.

“He's Chanyeol's friend, not mine.” Chanyeol whips his neck to glare at Sehun from behind Junmyeon. Okay, maybe that sounded way more malicious than he expected. In his defense, Sehun was just being accurate.

“Hi, I'm Junmyeon. Chanyeol was the one that invited me, that's true,” Junmyeon says apologetically.

“Well I'll have to thank him later, this is a first,” Jongdae says, perfectly aware that Chanyeol can hear him, but he just doesn't care, and he doesn't take his eyes from Junmyeon even one second either. Yixing cackles at the whole scene, probably a bit drunk already, hitting Jongdae’s arm and leaning on his shoulder.

For Chanyeol, this is a nightmare. His plan is being jeopardized right in front of him and it shows on his face, a pitiful scowl that he can't control. Sehun tries his best to suppress his laugh, because he knows that if Chanyeol told Jongdae about his plan he would only make things worse, and Chanyeol knows that too, because Jongdae loves a challenge and even better if it's a challenge that would annoy Chanyeol to the bone.

For Sehun, on the other hand, it's a blessing. It gives him the chance to slip away, unnoticed thanks to Jongdae's advances and Chanyeol's confusion, moving behind the bodies and dodging Sunyoung and Soojung’s impromptu ‘happy birthday’ song.

 

 

The kitchen is fortunately empty. Sehun grabs a beer from the fridge and sighs, leaning against the counter.

Chanyeol has definitely noticed that there's something weird going on. And now it isn’t enough with repressing his feelings for his friend. Now he also has to be friendly to the guy that Chanyeol shoved into his face out of, hopefully, selflessness and enthusiasm to help his single friend. Or maybe out of jealousy, or fear of competition, or who knows what. Sehun just wants to tell Chanyeol that he doesn't have to worry about him, but being honest and telling him about his feelings for Jongin to _none other_ than Jongin's boyfriend is probably the worst possible scenario.

“Oh, sorry, I thought no one was here.”

Sehun flinches out of his train of thoughts as Junmyeon peeks inside the kitchen, unsure of whether he should leave or stay.

“It's okay, come in and grab something to drink if you want,” Sehun says and tries his best to smile sincerely, but he knows it looks forced. He's never been good at pretending interest in other people.

Junmyeon hesitates for a moment but takes a carton of juice from the fridge and pours himself a glass. He doesn't even try to look in Sehun's direction.

Up close, Junmyeon looks even better than in photos, he has to give Chanyeol that. He's like almost a head shorter than Sehun, and the permanent soft expression on his face makes Sehun wonder if he would've been able to resist hugging him like a teddy bear if they had met in different circumstances. But before he can delve into that thought, Junmyeon breaks the awkward silence without looking up from his glass.

“I... Chanyeol told me you wanted to meet me. I shouldn't have come.” Junmyeon smiles sheepishly and steals a quick glance at Sehun, sipping on his juice.

Sehun wants to deny it, say that it's not true, that everything is okay. But that would be a very obvious lie. And maybe he doesn't know this guy, but something inside Sehun tells him that he deserves a proper explanation about why he's getting rejected before even having the chance to getting to know each other.

“Chanyeol... he just wants me to be with someone,” Sehun says. He clings thoughtfully to his ambiguous sentence, wondering about how to continue, not wanting to give too much away, but not wanting to fall short either. He just ends up being silent for too long.

“...And you don't want to,” Junmyeon says more than he asks.

“Exactly. I...” Sehun looks into Junmyeon's eyes, somehow expecting him to hear the words that he isn’t saying. But it doesn't work that way, especially with strangers, and Junmyeon's just looking back at him expectantly. “He doesn't know this, can you keep it that way?”

“Eh... sure, I can keep a secret, but what? That you don't want to date?” Junmyeon looks even more confused by the second, but leans towards him curiously, expecting Sehun to whisper something in his ear.

“I already like someone.” Sehun doesn't whisper, but he glances at the door, double-checking that no one is there before continuing. “I already like someone, and it's not mutual, but it doesn't go away. So.” Sehun fidgets with his fingers around his beer, avoiding eye contact.

“So you don't want to meet other people, to try and forget that person and focus on someone new?” Junmyeon asks softly, voice slightly hopeful.

“I'm not a big fan of that approach, so no. I think I would only end up hurting that person and myself.” Sehun looks at him intently. They're talking hypothetically, but they both know they are talking about Junmyeon.

“That's a shame. Thoughtful of you, but still.” Junmyeon presses a tight smile and looks down. Silence appears again between them, although this time not awkward at all.

“Jongdae is a great guy, though,” Sehun says after a while, finishing his drink and sliding next to Junmyeon to grab another from the fridge.

“Who?”

“Once over guy? He may be a little too brazen sometimes, but he's actually the kindest person I know.”

Sehun closes the fridge and turns around. He's practically towering over Junmyeon. He never realized just how cramped this corner of his kitchen was until now.

Sehun flushes and tries to escape back to his place against the counter, but Junmyeon moves at the same time and actually blocks his way awkwardly instead of letting him pass.

“Sorry,” Sehun mutters, placing his hands on Junmyeon's arms and shoving him gingerly against the wall to make room for him to pass.

“Oh, didn't want to interrupt,” a teasing voice says from the threshold, “Jongdae is asking for you.”

Sehun looks towards the door and freezes like a deer caught in headlights. Jongin is already gone. _Fucking great_. Perfect timing to ruin his life further.

“Ehh... not that I'm complaining, but I actually need to go to the toilet,” Junmyeon says. Sehun looks down and notices that he's still holding onto his arms and pressing him against the wall, Junmyeon giving him a knowing look.

If it wasn't obvious before, now Junmyeon surely had to realize who the mysterious person Sehun likes is. Sehun freaks out internally, but he lets Junmyeon go. He better be saying the truth about knowing how to keep secrets.

Alone at last, Sehun scrunches against the counter and knocks his head against it, wondering why his little problem with Jongin just gets bigger and bigger.

 

 

When Sehun finally decides to go back to the living room and look for Jongdae, he doesn't find him. Instead, he's rewarded with a first row seat to the display of amateur gay porn on his own couch, with no one else in sight. Or what would be porn if Chanyeol and Jongin weren't fully clothed, because Chanyeol's huge hands circle around Jongin's waist to help him move on top of Chanyeol, and Jongin grinds his hips down and kisses Chanyeol’s neck hungrily. Surely he's a professional dancer with these moves, Sehun thinks bitterly.

Chanyeol pulls away for a second and lets his head fall back. Sehun is pretty sure that Chanyeol sees him over Jongin's shoulder, but he doesn't even feign an attempt to stop. Seriously, where is Yixing when you need him?

Sehun turns around and heads towards the bedroom, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall as he goes past Sunyoung and Soojung, idly talking on the corridor next to the bathroom door. They make to stop him, and one of them shouts _“are you okay?”_ , but Sehun doesn’t look back and just keeps walking.

He closes the door to his room after himself and leans against it, feeling his stomach churn as he tries to contain his emotions.

For a moment, he wonders if he would be better off in the bathroom, where he can throw up if he needs to. He knows he shouldn't be feeling like this, he has no right, but he just can't help it. He just wants Jongin for himself, but he realized too late and now he's paying. Still, they could have chosen any other place besides _his own couch_ to grind on each other.

Sehun imagines for a second how would've it been if they had decided to take his bedroom, running into them actually fucking on his bed. He’s having enough of a hard time trying not to cry or slam his head against the wall to make it stop torturing him when, suddenly, someone knocks on the door, and he does his best to breathe slowly and get his usual poker face back.

“Yes?” Sehun's voice cracks a little, but he clears his throat loudly to mask it.

The door opens just enough for Jongin to stick his head inside.

“I got you a gift but I didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone, can I come in?”

Sehun straightens himself and opens the door fully to let him in. “Sure.”

Jongin walks inside hesitantly, fiddling with his sleeves, and waits for the door to close again. He hands Sehun a box, the size of a small notebook, white with a green lace tied around it in a little bow.

The lace comes off easily when Sehun pulls at one end, letting it fall to the floor. He looks up before opening the box and catches Jongin waiting expectantly and chewing nervously at his lower lip.

Inside the box he finds what looks like a small book without a cover at first glance, but when he opens it and flicks through it he finds that it's a photo album filled with pictures of the two of them – _just the two of them_ – from all different stages of their lives since they met each other, and every picture seems to have a comment below.

The first photo is from the day they met for the first time. They were 8, little kids playing with their floaties at the community pool in summer, and he still remembers Jongin's mom telling them to pose near the water. The handwritten caption under the photo says: _“The day you became my best friend.”_ Sehun can't help but smile a little bit.

The next one is at a birthday party, probably some classmate long forgotten. They look ridiculous in the most adorable way with their party hats on and they're smiling so hard that their eyes crinkle in tiny lines. _"I'm always happy when I'm around you."_

Another one at the beach, already as teens. Jongin is posing on the sand like a model would on a magazine cover. He discovered his talent for that way too soon and he was insufferable whenever a camera was around. Sehun was the only one who put up with it, sometimes even helping him find his best angle against the light. _"I've always hated that you looked better than me in this pic."_

Sehun skims through the next photos. Playing video games, middle school graduation, that awkward phase when they both had weird haircuts and an awful sense of fashion. He makes a mental note of burning that particular photo if he has kids some day.

 

 

He stops when he sees a moment that left a vivid memory in his mind: a picture of them, sitting on the sidewalk in front of their high school, that Jongdae took after they got into a fist fight for some dumb reason they can't even remember anymore. They're sporting matching bruises and cuts on their faces and hands, but they don't look angry or sad, just tired. _"We should fight again some time, we looked pretty badass that week."_ Sehun chuckles and glances at Jongin before turning the page. He has the cutest timid smile on. Sehun tries his best to ignore how that makes him feel warmer on the inside.

The first time they got drunk. Sehun thanks his poker face every time he sees this photo. He looks completely unaffected, but Jongin has an arm around his neck and that hungry look on his face that he always uses when he sets his eyes on something – or someone – that could light up even Hell itself. _"You puked 2 minutes later, your face doesn't fool me."_

The next photos are more recent: Sehun's first day in college, right in front of the building. The day Jongin got hired in the dance studio and they went to celebrate with a picnic at the park. When Sehun moved into his current apartment and he forced Jongin to help him carry boxes upstairs all day.

He reaches halfway through the album. The last picture is in Jongin's kitchen, with matching morning hairs and mugs of coffee, but Sehun can't pinpoint the exact day that happened. He flicks through the pages but there's no more photos after that, only a page filled with a handwritten text.

_"The following blank pages are for the moments that are to come. We've spent 15 years together that I wouldn't change for anything in the world. Fifteen!!! OMG. We're so old. But we've been through so many things together. Good things, mainly, but also through so many fights, so many nights crying in each other's arms. I can't even try to imagine my life without you. I don't want to imagine it. Anyway, I hope you liked my birthday present. I love you, Hunnie, and, no matter what happens, I'll always love you. – Jongin”_

Sehun closes the photo album slowly, taking in the words and the fact that Jongin took the time to gather all these intimate moments just for him, to relive them together now and in the future.

He wants to say _thank you_ , but there's a lump in his throat that stops him. He only manages to let out a choked whimper before tears start trailing down his cheeks. It feels as if those simple words written on a piece of paper suddenly got the ability to hit him in the face, making every emotion he was suppressing until that precise moment spill out like an open water dam, letting it all flow out.

Jongin moves immediately, startled, and grabs his face with both hands, wiping the tears with his thumbs. "Hey, hey, please don't cry." He looks into Sehun's eyes, with a confused and worried expression. "I wanted to make you happy, not cry."

They stare into each other's eyes for seconds that feel like hours. Sehun can't stop crying, he just wants to tell Jongin not to worry, that his tears are from happiness, that he's thankful to have him in his life too and he wants it to keep that way until the last of his days. But he can't find the words in himself, with Jongin so close and all these emotions flowing through his body, so instead he leans forward and presses their lips together...

 

...but Jongin doesn't move.

 

_Shit_.

Sehun realizes what he just did. It's like his body decided on its own accord to fuck everything up. He steps back with a quick move, almost jerking away, looking around the room at any place besides Jongin's face. He doesn't know how to look at him.

"Sorry, I don't know why I did that."

Sehun closes the box with the album hastily and leaves the room as fast as his legs let him. He doesn't want to look at Jongin, he can't bear to look at him, but as he closes the door he sees in the corner of his eye how his friend is still in the exact same position, staring at him with eyes wide open and... it's probably just his desperate hopes lying to him, but he could swear he also saw Jongin blushing.

 

 

\---

 

 

Avoiding Jongin is hard enough in itself, but when he calls or texts at least five times everyday for a full week, it feels like he committed treason on their friendship.

But after what happened, Sehun doesn't see a better alternative. He just fucked up. He did the last thing he wanted to do: make a move on his best friend, who's currently dating their other friend. Jongin was never supposed to know about Sehun's feelings. He just had to be happy with Chanyeol. And Sehun was going to be there for them like the best friend he's always been and eventually he would get over his feelings and move on. Perfect plan. _Crushed_ perfect plan.

The worst part is that Sehun remembers the exact moment when he could have avoided all this drama, but he didn't know how he felt about Jongin back then. Or maybe he was just too scared of admitting it to himself.

He recalls a nervous Jongin sitting on his bed, fiddling with his hands on his lap, telling him how Chanyeol asked him out that afternoon. How Jongin looked up with a questioning expression, waiting for some kind of answer from Sehun. How he just smiled and told Jongin that he should give it a try.

And he can't help but think that he's the biggest idiot on the face of the Earth because he shouldn't be feeling jealous of Chanyeol since he basically put them together. But at the same time, he can't believe he didn't realize that he wanted Jongin that way back then, when he felt that pang inside his chest as his friend smiled back and said, "Sure, I'll give it a try, why not."

 

 

\---

 

 

Some random number calls on Friday night between watching Youtube videos and browsing Instagram pics of extremely good looking strangers and Sehun makes the mistake of picking the phone on autopilot, used to his work at the call center.

"Hello?"

"Come out, we're waiting for you outside your apartment."

Chanyeol's voice. Sehun panics.

"I'm not home, I'm... I'm at the office."

"We can see the lights on, Sehun. Either you get out in less than 15 minutes or we take the door down, and you know we can, the frame is practically rotten." Chanyeol hangs up immediately, not giving Sehun a chance to answer.

Chanyeol tends to joke around all the time, but when he's being serious, it shows in his voice. This is one of those times.

Sehun moves as fast as he can and pulls on the first thing he finds – a white t-shirt and basic blue jeans – and meets them right at his building's door. They walk off, silence interrupted a few times by Chanyeol saying how cold the weather is getting lately and other unnecessary small talk. He can’t recall any other time when he had been so uncomfortable around any of them, and the weird looks that Jongin throws his way don’t help, either.

 

 

At first, Sehun was worried that the atmosphere would stay that uncomfortable the whole night, but by the time they arrive to the pub everything feels normal again. Jongin is treating him like he always did, making jokes and pinching Sehun's sides to get a reaction out of him, and before he can notice he's laughing and teasing back, completely relaxed.

They stop bickering as soon as they sit at their usual corner and Jongin looks at him between his eyelashes across the table, a playful smirk still on his face. _Damn it_. Sehun feels like someone just stabbed him right in the heart.

"What do you want to drink?" Kyungsoo asks, pulling him out of his thoughts. Of course he has a shift tonight.

"Kyungsoo, I know we are friends and all, but you could still say hi or something," Jongin answers without looking away from Sehun, unfazed. He smiles innocently and bites the side of his lip, teeth dragging slowly across the plump skin. That suggestive gesture doesn't fit at all with the rest of Jongin's facial expression. Sehun doesn’t know what to make out of it.

"Hi. What do you want to drink?" Kyungsoo deadpans.

"Why do you even ask when you know we only come to this smelly joint to empty your keg?" Chanyeol asks.

“Look who's talking about smelly,” Kyungsoo retorts, making Jongin cackle. Chanyeol gasps and feigns offense, putting a hand against his chest. “I'll get you some drafts.”

Kyungsoo goes behind the bar and leaves them in a silence that makes Sehun feel suddenly awkward, as if he was waiting for interrogation and the other two were purposely stretching the seconds just to make him feel uncomfortable. Or maybe it’s just Jongin. He can't take his eyes off that mouth, that tongue darting out to lick his lips a bit too slowly to be dismissed as a simple habit. All he wants to do is just lean across the table, kiss it right now and think about the consequences later.

“Are you okay? You look nervous,” Jongin says with a concerned voice and grabs Sehun's hand tenderly.

“Yeah... just tired,” he lies. He can't avoid his surprised twitch when Jongin interlaces their fingers and presses both hands against his cheek. It's not something weird between them, just... after what happened... and Chanyeol is _right there_ , observing everything and saying nothing. Sehun would pay big money to know what's going on inside his head.

Kyungsoo ceremoniously places the tray with their drinks on the table, eyeing the three of them. "Don't you ever feel worried about... that?" Kyungsoo asks Chanyeol, gesturing the other two with a concerned look.

"Not at all," Chanyeol laughs. "I trust both of them, I'm dating Jongin but they're my friends. Besides, they've been like brothers for way longer than I know any of them." Chanyeol grins with a huge smile that has his skin crinkling in the corners of his eyes, and places a hand on the small of Jongin's back.

So that's what was going on inside his head. Sehun can feel how Jongin stiffs and lets his hand go, looking down at the table. Sehun feels extremely guilty once again.

 

 

The evening goes smoothly otherwise, talking about their week at first, and later telling old stories from around the time Chanyeol met them during Sehun's first year in college. Chanyeol was working part time as a campus security guard and Sehun had an awful tendency to arrive drunk and accompanied by random guys late in the night. Chanyeol somehow had found it amusing and started teasing him by the end of the second month, but freshman Sehun was a lot more cocky than immature and countered that _at least he didn't spend his nights alone in a hideous grey uniform_. Friendship just had to happen between them.

Meeting Jongin went differently. Chanyeol had just quit his job as a security guard and was focusing on becoming a mechanic. Sehun invited him to a party to release some stress and the first thing he saw was Jongin swaying his hips at the rhythm of the music with some girl in the middle of a circle of people. The second thing he saw was Jongin leaving the girl without a word and running to hug Sehun, who introduced them to each other immediately. What were the chances.

 

 

Kyungsoo joins them at their table after closing the front door at the end of his shift. He also met them all around that time, when they started to frequent the pub. Realistically speaking, it wasn't the best place to spend their nights out, but the prices were cheap enough to convince three students trying to get drunk.

"I remember that I only wanted to close up and go home but you three couldn't stop laughing like the idiots you are to get up and leave," Kyungsoo slurs out after a while, already even drunker than the rest of them.

"So you joined us to make us leave. Yeah, right," Sehun says.

"If you can't join your enemy, beat him. No, wait," Kyungsoo snorts at his own mistake, head and limbs plopping down on the table. "It's the other way around but now that I think about it I should've beat the shit outta all of you."

"You were always looking at us with those huge abandoned puppy eyes, you wanted to be our friend~" Jongin sings, pinching Kyungsoo's cheek. Kyungsoo throws him a death glare that makes him stop immediately.

"I didn't. I was just tired. And you ended up being fun enough to spare your lives, but don't test your luck."

Kyungsoo makes to stand up, trying to look menacing, but he's way too drunk and his legs wobble. Chanyeol is the closest to him and catches him before he actually falls.

"I'm fine, this place is so shitty the floor is uneven," Kyungsoo argues, trying to swat Chanyeol away, but falling further into his arms.

"Okay, we know," Chanyeol glances at Sehun and Jongin looking for some empathy, but they're laughing their asses off. Chanyeol is probably the only one sober enough to understand the situation. "I'll take him home, I barely drank and I brought the car... he lives too far away to let him walk in this state."

"I'll go with you!" Jongin springs up, way too cheerful to look sober.

"No, don't worry. You should get home and sleep early, I know you haven't been sleeping well these past few days," Chanyeol replies and turns to leave dragging Kyungsoo along.

"I'll go with you then, you'll need help." Sehun offers, leaving the pub right after him. He's drunk, but he still knows that the last thing he needs is to be left alone with Jongin. Actually, his drunkenness is one more good reason to avoid it at all costs.

"Damn it, Kyungsoo, you shouldn't drink as fast as us when you know your alcohol tolerance is nonexistent." Chanyeol has placed Kyungsoo against the wall and is fishing for the keys in his pockets to close the pub. He finds them just as Jongin exits the place and closes both the door and the metal railings covering the windows.

"Thanks, Sehun, but I don't want Jongin to go home alone this late being this drunk, you know how this neighborhood is," Chanyeol grimaces. "Walk with him to his apartment, yes? You're the only person I would completely trust to take him home safely," Chanyeol says, giving him one of his big smiles. Well, fuck. Sehun can't fight against that.

"I'm right _here_. Like, I can hear you talk, you know?" Jongin complains.

Chanyeol chuckles and dismisses him with a quick peck before turning to grab Kyungsoo and help him into the car. He doesn't even bother to say goodbye as he drives off, leaving them alone on the sidewalk.

"He could have given us a ride to my place on his way to Kyungsoo's," Jongin deadpans as they start to walk.

"And you're thinking about that now, when he already left," Sehun laughs. His mind is going to so many places at the same time, thinking about Jongin, about how much Chanyeol trusts him, about how he feels like a bad friend, but he still can't be awkward around Jongin. They're just too used to each other to not fall into familiarity.

"Shut up, it didn't even occur to you," Jongin teases back, elbowing him playfully. He starts skipping as they walk, eventually turning it into some kind of fluid dance without music. He tries to get Sehun into his dance too, spinning and jumping around him, but Sehun just looks at him and laughs, telling him how crazy he is.

"I'm not crazy, Sehun, I'm _inspired_." Jongin holds onto a streetlight with his hands and turns around it fast enough to lift his feet off the floor for a full 360º spin. He stops abruptly to look at Sehun and hugs the streetlight. "I want to learn to pole dance."

Sehun chuckles. " _What?_ "

"But I'm worried that I'll make the girls in the class uncomfortable, and that's not fair for them," Jongin pouts.

"Then I'll join the class too to make it less awkward," Sehun jokes. He moves to another streetlight and starts hip thrusting against it with intent, like his life depended on it.

"I'm pretty sure that would make it even more awkward, and you're not getting into the class with those moves," Jongin snickers.

"Hey, I can do those cool twirls too!"

Sehun tries to spin around the streetlight, but his hand loses his grip the moment he gets his feet in the air and he falls on his butt with a thud. It's painful, but the alcohol in his system dulls it enough to have him laughing so hard that he can't get up from the floor.

"Help me, the floor's trapped me!" Sehun lets himself fall back, lying completely on the ground, and flails an arm in Jongin's direction, who's cackling and clapping around his streetlight.

Jongin grabs his hand and tries to pull him up, but he can't stop laughing and his strength is gone. After several tries, he gives up and sits on the sidewalk next to Sehun.

Sehun pillows his arms behind his head and glances back and forth between Jongin and the pitch black sky. There are no stars, or at least he can't see them – blame the city's light pollution – but the streetlights make Jongin's face light up more than he would expect from any celestial body, slightly blurred and fuzzy around the edges – blame the alcohol. They eventually stop laughing and Sehun tries to get a hold of the blurry shiny ball of blonde hair that smiles down at him, only to realize that it actually feels hard under his fingertips, all sharp jaw and cheekbones but with a really soft skin covering it all.

Sehun suddenly realizes that he's been caressing Jongin's face for longer than he probably should, but from the way Jongin leans into the touch, letting his eyes slip shut, he doesn't seem to mind.

Jongin opens his eyes again as Sehun takes his hand back, suddenly self-conscious. But he grins down at Sehun and helps him get off the floor – this time successfully – and any traces of discomfort fade away. Everything just feels natural around Jongin.

 

 

"Okay... sleep well, then." Sehun waves Jongin goodbye in front of his apartment door and turns to leave when something suddenly comes to mind. "Hey, now that I mentioned that, I remembered I never asked... why did Chanyeol say that you didn't sleep well this week? Did anything happen?"

Jongin bites his lip and fiddles with the hem of his sweater before answering. "No, nothing happened..."

But the way the words drag off make it sound like there's more to it, so Sehun arches an eyebrow in a questioning look, waiting for him to continue.

“...I guess I was just worried because you weren't answering my calls... or my messages...” Jongin looks away, slightly embarrassed. “I thought you were mad at me.”

“Why would _I_ be mad at _you_?” Sehun furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“I don't know, you never ignored me like that before! I thought... maybe you didn't like my gift, or something.”

“No, why wouldn't I like it? I loved it, it was the best birthday present I've ever received, like, in my whole life. If anything, you should be mad at me for...” Sehun looks down at his feet, embarrassed, as his words become more of a mumble, “...you know...”

Jongin's eyes widen and he blushes, looking down at his hands and playing with his fingers in an instinctive reflex to avoid Sehun's gaze.

Sehun figures he should leave it at that, seeing how uncomfortable Jongin looks after bringing up what happened during the party. “Well, I should be going, there's still a ten minutes walk to my apartment, so...” He waves half-heartedly and turns to leave, for real this time.

“Wait!”

Sehun looks back with a questioning look to find Jongin with his hands against his mouth, probably startled by how loud his own voice sounded. He takes the hands away from his face, letting one fall to his side and scratching with the other the back of his neck.

“You– you should stay, it's too late for you to walk alone,” he says sheepishly.

“...Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it's not like you haven't stayed before,” Jongin adds, sounding a lot more resolute than before.

Sehun thinks that he should say something along the lines of it's not like other times, because Things Happened, and they're drunk – _he's_ drunk – but even if it makes him feel like crap deep down in some corner of his morally correct mind, he swallows it down and smiles while saying a simple “okay” instead and following Jongin up the stairs.

 

 

“Okay, you can do this.”

Sehun splatters more water on his face as he stares at his reflection in the mirror of Jongin's bathroom. Everything around him looks blurry, but somehow the alcohol always gives him this strange ability to notice the dark circles under his eyes and the exhaustion on his face more than ever.

“You just have to get out there and tell Jongin that this time you won't sleep with him in his bed.” He rubs his face with his wet hands, foreseeing the answer he'll receive. “No, Jongin, you couch is great. Yes, I am sure, don't worry about me.” He sounds very convincing. Or at least that's what he thinks. Part of him knows that sleeping with Jongin wouldn't be right. Part of him – probably the drunk one – is telling him that it isn't that important, he can control himself. Yeah. Right.

Sehun leaves the bathroom and walks towards the bedroom, expecting Jongin to be there, but he finds him leaning against the open fridge door in the open design kitchen-living room-hall-basically everything of the apartment, and looking back over his shoulder to where Sehun stands.

“Do you want a beer?”

“Didn't you want to sleep early?” Sehun asks back, because he's already too fucking drunk and doesn't need to make it even worse.

Jongin just chuckles. “It's okay,” he smiles and takes two beers from the fridge and opens them without waiting for confirmation. “I'll be able to sleep well again now.”

Jongin hands Sehun his beer over the kitchen counter and he takes it without hesitation, like he wasn't just thinking half a minute ago that this was a terrible idea. Like it wasn't a terrible idea that both of them just chug down half their bottles in one go.

“I missed you.” Jongin looks down at his beer, fiddling with the bottle's label.

“I missed you too,” Sehun says without the need to even think his answer.

“Then why did you disappear for so long? I was worried.”

“I'm sorry.” Sehun hesitates for a second, plays with the neck of the bottle between his fingers. “I figured that putting some distance between us was the right thing to do, I guess I was wrong...”

Sehun looks up. Jongin is not looking at him, still trying to tear the label off the bottle without ripping it.

“I was feeling guilty for–” Sehun stops in the middle of the sentence and takes several silent but deep breaths before looking up again. Jongin managed to take the label off and is straightening it with his palm against the kitchen table, still refusing to look up.

“–for kissing you,” Sehun manages to finish with a firm voice. Jongin stops playing with the label and looks back for the first time, biting his lip. He doesn't say anything even as the minutes pass.

Sehun chugs the rest of his beer in one go and lets out a nervous laugh. He can't remember any other time when he had been this awkward around Jongin. Probably never.

Yet Jongin smiles at him, with his eyes crinkling in the corners, like every time he's either really happy or finds something really funny. “You're an idiot, Sehun.”

Sehun knows he should be thinking of some kind of comeback. Like “no, you're an idiot,” or something a lot less lame. But the only thing in his mind is how beautiful Jongin looks, because that crinkling smile is literally lighting up the whole apartment (okay, maybe not literally, but he's drunk, he's allowed to hallucinate a little bit), and he just stays there, staring at Jongin, half starstruck, until the other finishes his beer too, gets up and takes his arm to drag him towards the bedroom.

“Let's go to sleep.”

Sehun remembers everything about his little pep talk in the bathroom, and he knows he should start his Master Plan to avoid sleeping with Jongin. But instead of speaking up and saying that he'll stay in the couch, he only manages to get up and follow him happily without protest like the idiot Jongin just said he is.

 

 

Jongin starts to undress as soon as he enters the bedroom, so Sehun does too.

It's already hard to avoid looking at a half naked Jongin in a normal state and alcohol isn't anyone's friend. Sehun completely forgets to pretend that he's not looking and ends up staring at Jongin's lean back as he takes off his shirt, all smooth caramel skin from the top of his broad shoulders to where his slim waist disappears under the pair of black boxers that hug his ass–

“Here, your pajamas.”

Sehun comes back to reality just fast enough to catch the old t-shirt that he always wears when he sleeps at Jongin's apartment before it hits him in the face. Because Jongin loves to sleep basically naked (okay, in his underwear, big difference), but he knows every little detail about Sehun, like how he doesn't like to sleep shirtless because he sweats in his sleep and the sheets stick to his skin in the most uncomfortable way.

Jongin gets into bed and opens the blanket, signaling Sehun to get inside too. And so he does.

Even half drunk as he is, Sehun is still sober enough to lay on his back, completely stretched and looking at the ceiling. But they've been sleeping together since Jongin was almost a head taller than Sehun and it's an unspoken rule between them that Jongin is the big spoon, so Jongin turns onto his side and throws an arm over Sehun's chest, nudging the legs with his knees for Sehun to turn and take his place as the little spoon. But Sehun doesn't move, because the last thing he needs in this precise moment is a naked (okay, _almost_ naked) Jongin pressing against his back, and he doesn't even want to think about feeling anything else lower down.

Jongin lifts his head from the pillow and props it on his free hand. Sehun doesn't turn his head and keeps his position facing the ceiling, but he does move his eyes to the side to look at him. Jongin has a questioning expression, looking down at him with half dazed eyes.

“What's wrong?”

Sehun almost doesn't hear him, it feels like suddenly everything around them just disappeared and he could only fixate his eyes on the way Jongin's mouth moves as he speak, on how his tongue darts out to moisten his parted lips, on how he looks down between his bangs and into Sehun's eyes.

And it's weird, because the next thing he registers is feeling those plump lips against his and a slim waist under his hand because, apparently, his body decided on its own accord that it didn't want to wait anymore, and darted on top of Jongin without waiting for confirmation.

Sehun realizes what he's doing just a tad too late. He knows he should stop and pull away. But before he can move, Jongin is kissing him back. He has his eyes closed, while the hand on Sehun's chest slides up slowly and finally rests on the back of his neck, keeping Sehun in place as he licks his way between Jongin’s lips.

Sehun gets some sort of temporary sanity and breaks the kiss with a gasp, almost startled by his own actions. He's supported on one arm next to Jongin's head and hovers over him, close enough that is impossible to miss the unreadable expression on Jongin's face as he looks up, flushing under Sehun's gaze.

Jongin's eyes flicker between Sehun's two eyes, as if he was looking for some kind of answer in them, but Sehun gathers all his willpower and pulls away, letting himself fall on his back beside him, staring again at the ceiling.

Sehun doesn't know how long he stays like that, motionless and looking up, purposely avoiding looking at Jongin, a thousand thoughts crossing his mind.

“Sorry,” he breaks the silence with an almost inaudible whisper. Jongin doesn't answer.

“I'll go sleep on the couch,” Sehun says after a few seconds, and moves to stand up, but a hand grabs his arm before he can leave. Sehun looks back to find Jongin sitting up on the bed, cheeks flushed pink and looking down at his lap, reaching up to him almost desperately.

“You don't have to go,” he says, and it sounds more like a plea than a suggestion.

Sehun feels his heart clench at those words. It doesn't matter that he thinks of all the good reasons this is a terrible decision. He just says a soft “okay” out loud, a silent “ _fuck it_ ” inside his mind, and lies back next to Jongin.

And for the first time ever, Jongin doesn't spoon Sehun, but Sehun turns on his side to face him. They look into each other's eyes as they share the pillow without any words. Sehun trails soft paths with his fingertips on Jongin's cheek, on Jongin's ear, between Jongin's messy hair locks, and Jongin just answers with a warm smile, until they finally drift off to sleep.

 

 

\---

 

 

Sehun wakes up squinting at the sunlight hitting his face and somewhat confused, because the window in his room doesn't see the sun until past noon. There's a dull throbbing ache in his head, reminding him of last night's drinking excesses.

_Last night_.

He's not in his room.

He remembers everything at once, just as he feels Jongin pressing against his back, spooning him in their usual sleeping position, all coming back to his mind in confusing flashes of memories – Jongin's closed eyes, the wetness of his lips, warm skin under his fingers. He tries to shake them off as an uncomfortable knot settles in his stomach, and wonders for a moment if it could have been just a dream. Touching Jongin. Kissing Jongin. _Jongin kissing him back._ Whatever it was that happened after. But he remembers everything a bit too well, memories too clear for his drunken state when they happened.

Sehun scoots over as carefully as he can to not wake Jongin up until he's free from his embrace and sits on the edge of the bed. Jongin is sound asleep, his face completely relaxed. There's some drool pooling under his mouth, and Sehun knows he should be finding it gross, but he actually thinks it's really cute. He smiles before he can catch himself, but he quickly schools his face back to a neutral expression, because he knows he shouldn't be indulging his feelings like this. _What are you doing with your life, Sehun_.

He gathers his clothes and closes the door of the room behind himself, trying not to make a noise. He gets dressed as fast as he can and leaves the apartment.

Sehun is ready to beat himself up for the rest of the day over his poor life choices in general and over what happened the night before in particular, when he goes onto the street and bumps into Chanyeol getting off his bike right in front of Jongin's apartment.

Chanyeol takes off his helmet and flashes him a smile. "Hey, good morning! Did you sleep here?" He musses his hair with his free hand and tries to pick up the coffee holder and the box balancing precariously on the tank of the bike. "I brought coffee and bagels to have breakfast with Jongin, I guess I'm late," he mutters scratching the back of his neck.

"No, Jongin is still asleep– how did you even manage to carry all of that while driving?"

"Oh, why didn't you wake him?" Chanyeol asks, completely ignoring his question, while putting his helmet back in its chest on the back of the bike.

Sehun looks away, suddenly feeling strangely vulnerable. "I–I have stuff to do, enjoy your breakfast you two," Sehun sputters, also ignoring the question since he can't come up with a proper excuse (or, actually, a proper lie). He doesn't bother to give Chanyeol the chance to answer and runs down the street, waving back without another word.

 

 

\---

 

 

The weekend goes by so slowly that Sehun finds himself wishing for Monday to arrive.

On Saturday, he just stays in. He arrives at his apartment around noon and takes one of his hangover-healing showers. A bit too hot, a bit too long, wash away all aches and regrets. It doesn't work. Instead, he has way too much time to over think and replay over and over again what happened the night before. And he's left with a feeling of loneliness, knowing that at that precise moment Chanyeol is with Jongin, who probably forgot about the kiss because, let's be real, he was even more drunk than Sehun, or maybe he didn't forget it but is regretting it because he's already in a great relationship with a guy so perfect that, coincidentally, decided to bring him breakfast to bed that precise morning instead of sneaking out unnoticed like a fucking robber while he was still asleep.

On Sunday, he decides on a healthier route, changing into sport clothes and jogging around the park in his neighborhood until his legs start buckling and he has to almost drag himself back home. That also proves to be a poor decision on his part, because running means time alone and time alone means time to over think again.

He doesn't call or text Jongin during the whole weekend, but he doesn't feel bad about it, because this time Jongin isn't trying to contact him either. It isn't like Sehun is actually avoiding Jongin. Or so he tells himself.

 

 

Monday finally comes, and with it the routine. Sehun doesn't exactly _love_ his office job, but he appreciates how mentally demanding it can be on days like this, when he doesn't want to think anymore.

And so he doesn't think about Jongin until later in the afternoon, when he takes a bathroom break and takes the time to check his phone.

**Message from: Nini**

_we need to talk_

Sehun can feel a huge weight settling in his stomach as soon as he reads the message. He suddenly wants to throw up. But he knows he has to own his actions, even if it means ruining a years long friendship.

**Message to: Nini**

_...okay. Tell me when_

The walk to his cubicle feels like walking to hell. Everything feels unreal and confusing, like out of a movie – the copying machine spitting out printed paper, the artificial all-too-white lighting of the office over grey and white furniture, the way several of his co-workers speak on the phone at the same time make a kind of calming background hum over the sound of typing and clicking of computers.

Sehun reaches his seat in a dizzy state, but tries his best to ignore it and focus on his work again. Easier said than done, though. He wastes a full hour staring at an excel file with his list of clients – those he should be calling to offer them the new product – and looking at his phone out of the corner of his eye. It isn't until it finally lights up with a text (" _???? 8pm, my place_ ") that he gets a fleeting relief and sighs, almost happy to receive an answer, but it gets quickly replaced by the urge to get up and run back into the toilet.

Sehun hides in a stall, all his nerves getting back to him multiplied by ten. Hiding his face in his hands, he feels the tears first in his palms, not even registering the moment he started crying. He really fucked up big time, and he doesn't even know where to start if he wants to fix it. He doesn't even know if he can fix it. His back slides down against the stall door until he's sitting on the floor. At any other moment he would worry about getting his pants dirty, but he just hugs his knees and cries until he doesn't have any more tears to shed.

 

 

\---

 

 

Jongin opens the door with a serious look. He doesn't say anything.

Sehun has been in Jongin's apartment enough times to feel comfortable, like it was his own home. But today that's not the case, so he settles on following Jongin to the couch without a word, sitting at an awkward distance, as if he were a complete stranger. It’s something done unintentionally but he notices his own behavior and, if he was already nervous about the conversation they're about to have, he's even more uncomfortable now.

"We need to talk," Jongin breaks the silence, half-choked.

"Yeah, you already said that when you texted me." Sehun tenses and curses himself, he wasn't intending to sound so defensive. He can almost touch the atmosphere between them turning impossibly more awkward.

"Okay, I guess I should start then," Sehun swallows the lump on his throat, "I'm sorry about what happened the other day, I wasn't thinking right. We drank a bit and, okay, I won't blame it on the alcohol but, yeah, I shouldn't have..." he stops his ramble to get some air and steal a quick glance at Jongin, "kissed you. That was wrong... We should forget that it happened and move on."

Jongin frowns at him this time, chewing his lip thoughtfully, but looks away avoiding Sehun's gaze. "We should?" he says after thinking for a while.

Sehun doesn't answer, not because he doesn't want to, but more because he's confused about what type of answer Jongin is expecting from him. What does that question even mean? Of course they should move on if they want to stay as friends.

"There's... something else," Jongin says, looking down at his hands folded on his lap. Sehun braces himself for the worst, suddenly the silence between them becoming so deafening he can almost hear his heart drumming against his ribcage.

"Chanyeol told me he loves me." Jongin looks into Sehun's eyes for the first time since he arrived.

"Oh." Surprised, Sehun feels like someone just stabbed him right in the heart. He wants to look away, but it’s like something is forcing him to keep his eyes fixed on Jongin’s. "What– what did you answer?" he manages to ask, the fear for what's coming creeping into his mind.

"I didn't. I didn't say anything," Jongin stutters, still staring at him.

Sehun tries his best to kill the spark of hope building inside his chest. It's not right. It's their friend they're talking about. He knows that.

"He said it was okay," Jongin continues, "that I didn't have to answer right away... that he would wait for me to feel ready to say it back… he said he doesn't want to pressure me but just to let me know."

"That's sweet of him," Sehun croaks, forcing a tight smile. He should be feeling happy for his best friend, not jealous, not helpless, not frustrated. But, suddenly, a tear forms in Jongin's right eye, immediately wiping the smile off Sehun's face. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I– I told him that– I told him I don't think I'll be able to ever say it back," Jongin stutters, tears streaming down his face.

"What?" Sehun asks, even more bewildered than before. "Why did you say that?"

Jongin starts actually crying this time, as if the question triggered something inside him. Sehun doesn't know what to say, growing more and more confused by the minute.

Instead, Sehun just hugs him, letting him sob against his chest as loudly as he wants, petting his hair, kissing his temple, while whispering soothing words to his ear.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me." "You can cry as much as you want, I'm here." "Don't leave anything inside, take it all out."

 

 

It feels like a full hour passed by the time Jongin's sobs are reduced to soft whimpers.

Jongin pulls away slowly, sniffing. "Sorry, I soaked your shirt," he says with a broken voice.

"It's okay, Nini," Sehun chuckles and messes his hair, but automatically pats it back into place – a knee-jerk reaction from a time Jongin didn't bother brushing his hair in the mornings.

Sehun gets up to look in the fridge, mostly empty save for a few cans of beer and a bottle of ketchup. "Do you want pizza?"

Jongin nods, still pouty and sulking on the couch.

When Sehun finishes his call to the pizza joint and turns around, Jongin is coming out of the bathroom from washing up. Anyone would know he's been crying – his face is puffy, his eyes are red, and his bangs are wet and sticking to his forehead. He looks like a mess, but Sehun can't help himself when Jongin arrives to the kitchen area and takes him between his arms with a deep sigh.

"I'm here," he reassures him.

Jongin tightens the hug for a few seconds before pulling away. "You'll make me cry again," he laughs softly. He takes two beers from the fridge, opens them and hands one to Sehun without bothering to ask him whether he wants it or not.

Sehun ponders for a second with the beer already in his hand, worried about how similar this is to what happened last time. But today everything is completely different, and he's sure he won't make the same mistake, so he decides it's safe to take a few sips as he sits down.

Jongin smiles at him from the other side of the kitchen table and mimics him, drinking from his own can.

"Remember that time in high school when I broke your laptop?" Sehun asks. Jongin tries his best to cover the laugh that comes out with his free hand.

Sehun grunts against his hands, trying to hide his face in them. "I cried so much! Every time I opened my mouth to confess I just cried more and more."

"I comforted you for hours thinking that someone died or something," Jongin says, making them both laugh.

"Yeah... I just remembered..." Sehun smiles and looks down at his beer, lost in the memories. "By the time I managed to confess you just hugged me and told me, and I quote, _'I can buy another laptop, fucking idiot, I was worried that something happened to you'_ ," he says, mimicking Jongin's voice in a high pitch that doesn't go even near close to his actual voice at all, but they both laugh anyway, and this time they slip into a comfortable silence, far from the awkward moments from before.

"Just like you were for me that time," Sehun's tone turns suddenly serious, "it doesn't matter how long it takes you to tell me what happened, I'll be here for you too."

Jongin grimaces and looks up at the ceiling, trying to keep his tears in. Luckily, the doorbell rings just in the perfect moment, so he takes advantage of it and goes to open the door.

With all their problems solved, they can finally relax eating their pizza, drinking a few more beers and talking about all the times they messed up and cried in each other's shoulders. But they're not sad, instead they laugh at every single story, because everything is in the past and it is now just a bunch of cute memories to remember whenever they feel emotional.

 

 

\---

 

 

Time goes by fast. By the time they finish it's already 1am and they don't even need to discuss it to know that Sehun is staying the night, so they both head to the bedroom.

Jongin gives him a t-shirt to sleep on and Sehun looks at it, confused. "This is not my pajama shirt."

"Yeah, I haven't washed it since last time," Jongin shrugs. Sehun just nods and wears the t-shirt anyway, after all it's just a shirt to sleep on.

Jongin turns off the light and gets into bed. Sehun joins him in and turns his back to Jongin out of habit, who spoons him in their usual sleeping position. It feels so familiar and comfortable that he's almost falling asleep when Jongin's voice wakes him up.

"Hm?"

"I said, do you mind if we switch tonight?" Jongin whispers.

Sehun turns his head and squints at him with a questioning look, too sleepy to understand what he means.

"Can... Can you hug me?" Jongin asks, hesitantly.

Sehun feels his chest burn and has to bite the inside of his lips to suppress the smile that threatens to creep into his face, but he turns around regardless, spooning Jongin and hugging him tightly, as if to make sure that he feels that he's not alone, that he'll have Sehun by his side under any circumstances.

It's harder falling asleep while feeling this happy. The only thing in Sehun's mind is how nice being with Jongin feels, how much they know each other and, especially, how much he loves Jongin. And maybe it's way too much happiness, because his mind makes him hear things that aren't real, like Jongin's voice saying _"I love you"_ back.

 

 

\---

 

 

The sound of the door opening wakes Sehun from his sleep. He forces himself to pry his eyes open, squinting from the pillow at the source. Chanyeol is there, with his usual huge smile, standing on the threshold. However, his smile falters and becomes more of an awkward grimace by the minute. Sehun makes to stand up, worried that the scene might look weird, but belatedly realizes that he can't move – Jongin is holding onto him like a koala, both arms and legs draped around him.

"Oh, I didn't know you were here," Chanyeol whispers, retreating slowly.

With some effort, Sehun manages to free himself from Jongin's grasp and follows him out of the bedroom.

It's pretty early in the morning, but the sun is already starting to seep through the kitchen window. Chanyeol sits at the kitchen table, eyeing the empty beer cans still there since last night with an absent expression.

"Yeah, yesterday we started talking and it got really late," Sehun explains as he closes the bedroom door behind himself and joins him at the table, "I guess Nini didn't want to wake you by sending you a message to let you know."

"It's okay, he doesn't have to report to me like that," Chanyeol says, oddly serious. He's been staring at Sehun's chest since he came out of the room. Sehun looks down, wondering if there's a stain or a hole or anything else that would explain the stare. "That t-shirt is mine," Chanyeol answers his question without the need to voice it.

"Oh," Sehun nods, "Nini said something about mine being still dirty since the last time." He feels the need to apologize to Chanyeol, but he isn't completely sure about what for, so he doesn't add anything else. The tension is palpable, though.

"I brought coffee," Chanyeol exclaims suddenly, "I was planning on having breakfast together but he's probably too tired for that. You can have mine." He hands Sehun the holder with two ( _two_ ) coffee cups and stands ups.

"Oh no, no," Sehun hurriedly stands up too, waving his hands in denial, "I'll leave, you can stay."

"Nah, I have some errands to do, you stay and take care of him. I have to get going," Chanyeol says, patting Sehun's shoulder, and leaves with a smile. Although Sehun could swear that, right before the apartment's door closed completely shut, he saw his face turn into a slightly sadder expression.

 

 

\---

 

 

Monday was hell, but a Tuesday with severe lack of sleep after a late night of drinking isn't fun either.

"You look like shit," Jongdae says, propped on the panel between their cubicles. Always so tactful.

"Good morning to you too," Sehun mutters, sardonic.

"Wow someone's in a mood. Someone didn't let you sleep last night?" And as if it wasn't clear enough by his tone, Jongdae stresses it with a wink.

"I wish," Sehun says out loud before he can catch himself.

"You're wearing the same clothes as yesterday." Jongdae grins like he just discovered a massive hole in Sehun's lie.

"It's not what you thin– is that a hickey?"

Jongdae hastily covers his neck with a hand and tugs at the collar of his shirt to cover it. "Nope, just a rash."

“ _Right_ ,” Sehun says, raising his brows. He doesn't buy it, but he's too tired to argue. “Did you want anything or are you here just to poke fun at me?”

"Ah, yes. Pizza and beers, after work. Yixing and Junmyeon are coming. You in?"

"Sure," Sehun answers mindlessly, ignoring the fact that it was exactly what he had the previous night with Jongin. He's going to get dragged whether he wants to go or not, anyway.

Suddenly, his phone vibrates on the table, and he's just fast enough to catch it before Jongdae has the chance to have a look.

**Message from: Nini**

_come to my apartment after work_

Sehun frowns, worried. It's not like Jongin to send something like that without an explanation. "Sorry Jongdae, I can't go drink with you after all."

"Last night's lover? They're up for round two already?" Jongdae teases.

"Something like that." Sehun really doesn't have the energy to play with him today and just focuses on answering Jongin.

**Message to: Nini**

_sure. are you okay???_

"Oh, so I was right! Do I know them? Who's the royal heir charming?" Jongdae asks.

Sehun looks up confused. "Royal heir?"

"It's gender neutral for prince and princess," Jongdae shrugs.

Sehun blinks at him, bewildered, but his phone vibrates again in his hand.

**Message from: Nini**

_yes but i need you_

"I'm full homo, Jongdae, you know that." Sehun feels relieved, Jongin has probably one of these weird recurring breakdowns about nothing at all because all he actually wants is cuddles and popcorn.

"Ah, right, I always forget that not everyone is bi," Jongdae says, apologetically rubbing the back of his head.

Sehun opens his mouth to answer, but something else strikes him belatedly. "Wait, did you say Junmyeon was coming after work? Did you really get his number at my birthday party?"

Jongdae widens his eyes, startled by the question, and ducks back into his cubicle. "Wow look at this unfinished report for this afternoon!" Sehun hears him say, half muffled behind the panel. He chuckles, amused. Jongdae really has a talent for flirting with strangers.

He's just about to go back to his list of customers to call when his phone vibrates once again.

**Message from: Chanyeol**

_meet me after work_

Sehun stares at his phone before answering. What's with everyone wanting to meet him today?

**Message to: Chanyeol**

_i cant, i already have plans with jongin_

Both Jongin and Chanyeol are his friends, but best friend privileges are something real. Jongin will always come first. The thing about having non-friend feelings for him has nothing to do with it.

**Message from: Chanyeol**

_please meet me before that, you can go later. it won't take long_

Sehun frowns. Chanyeol is never so interested to meet him that they can't postpone it.

**Message to: Chanyeol**

_okay, see you at kyungsoo's_  

 

 

\---

 

 

As soon as he enters the pub, Sehun sees Chanyeol at their usual table, talking to Kyungsoo who's also sitting next to him.

Kyungsoo spots Sehun immediately, judging by the look he throws in his direction as he stands up, and goes back behind the bar.

"Hey," Sehun sits across the table and Chanyeol greets him visibly forcing a smile. It's so obvious that it isn't his usual huge, happy grin that it makes Sehun's stomach churn with nervousness. "So, tell me," he clears his throat, "why did you want to see me?"

Chanyeol looks down, avoiding his gaze, and takes a deep breath before speaking. "I... I broke up with Jongin."

"What? Why? Didn't you just tell him you're in love with him?"

"Yeah. Exactly. It didn't feel right," Chanyeol sighs. "I didn't want to keep him tied to me when I know that's not what he wants."

Sehun frowns, confused, and stares at Chanyeol for some kind of explanation.

"I may look like one sometimes, but I'm not an idiot, Sehun," he deadpans. "And I'm not blind either, I know what's going on. I've always known, even before we started dating. But– I guess I was naïve enough to think that maybe… if he spent enough time with me, if he got to really know me and see how good I could be to him, that maybe..." he stops to take another deep breath, "maybe he would fall in love with me."

Chanyeol breaks down and chuckles humorlessly as tears start falling down his face. Sehun freezes for a second – this is the first time that he’s seen Chanyeol cry – but quickly moves to sit next to him and take him into a hug.

"You're not naïve, Chanyeol, don't hit yourself like that." Chanyeol is taller than him, but in moments like this, he feels like a small kid looking for comfort, gripping the back of his jacket as if he was scared of getting lost.

"I'm not that selfless, though," Chanyeol laughs, "I think I deserve someone that will actually love me back."

"Of course you do, I wouldn't judge you for that."

Kyungsoo appears out of nowhere with tissues for Chanyeol and Sehun takes the opportunity to step back a bit as Chanyeol blows his nose and wipes his last tears.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning on crying," he apologizes with a broken smile.

"It's okay, I understand." Sehun tries to sound convincing, but it comes out as a confused mutter.

"Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is... I won't be mad at you two, I want to keep being friends like we've been up until now," Chanyeol says, reassuring. Sehun just looks back at him with a questioning look.

"I mean it. I tried to be in denial as long as I could but yesterday, when I walked into you two sleeping together... it just hit me like a truck. You know, Jongin was hugging you so hard that you had to wrestle your way out of bed. He always pushes me aside when I spend the night. I'm _too warm_ , he says," Chanyeol chuckles. "I don't want to be in the middle of whatever's bound to happen between you two."

Sehun looks at him thoughtfully. "What–"

"Just try not to rub it in my face too soon," Chanyeol interrupts. "Anyway, you should get going, you said you were going to see Jongin."

Sehun gets up mindlessly, still disconcerted by all that information. "Yeah... I'll call you to check on you."

"Don't worry too much, I have other friends," Chanyeol smiles and gets up, grabbing Sehun by the shoulders and shoving him lightly. "Just go."

 

 

\---

 

 

Sehun hastily apologizes after he stumbles into a stranger on the sidewalk.

It's way too much information to process. Sehun always thought he was doing a good job at hiding his feelings for Jongin. It turns out he was wrong, and Chanyeol noticed. And if Chanyeol noticed, who else did? Does Jongin know?

Well, of course Jongin knows, they've _kissed_. But maybe Jongin thinks he's just attracted to him.

Wait. What was all that talk about being in the middle of them? Does Chanyeol think that they were having an affair or...?

Sehun bumps into another person. He apologizes again, this time disinterested, and speeds up on his way to Jongin's apartment.

 

 

\---

 

 

It always feels weird, knocking on the door when he knows he has a spare key in his pocket. Sehun doesn't even have time to register the door opening before Jongin, all messy hair and too big clothes, drapes himself around his neck, hiding his face on Sehun's shoulder.

Sehun walks inside dragging Jongin along, almost like a puppet, and closes the door behind them before hugging him back.

"How are you?" Sehun whispers against Jongin's hair. It's slightly wet and smells like shampoo, he probably just showered after getting back from his dance class.

"Chanyeol broke up with me," Jongin says matter-of-factly, his voice coming out muffled from Sehun's shoulder.

"He told me. Want me to make you something warm? Tea?" Sehun lets him loose but Jongin tightens his grip around his shoulders, not letting him go. He looks towards the kitchen and catches a glimpse of a set of keys on the counter. _Chanyeol's_.

"No. Wanna cuddle."

"O-kay..." Sehun drags the word as he tries to figure out what to do with his arms, seeing that Jongin is not planning on releasing him anytime soon. "Let's move this to the couch then."

Jongin doesn't move at all even as Sehun tries to push him away, hiding his laugh against his chest and hugging him even harder.

That gym membership paid off, Sehun decides as he grabs Jongin by the waist and lifts him without much effort. Stumbling across the apartment and dropping him gracelessly on the couch is not that smooth, though, and Jongin half smirks, half glares from his sprawled position on the cushions.

Sehun isn't sure why he feels nervous, but he rushes to push Jongin's legs off the couch and sit beside him anyway. It's comfortable, _familiar_ , having Jongin by his side, watching as Jongin circles his waist and uses his chest as a pillow. It's only natural for Sehun to hug him back, to dig his fingers between Jongin’s hair locks, to play with the soft flesh of his earlobe.

Jongin nuzzles his face against Sehun's sweater and hums and he can't help but feel protective. Not that Jongin needs anyone to protect him, he's always been strong enough, but he certainly likes to be taken care of, to be pampered. Just like this.

"I'm uncomfortable," Jongin says, and he immediately kneels on the cushions, not even expecting an answer, pushing Sehun on his back and forcing him to lay across the couch.

Sehun doesn't know how it happens, but suddenly Jongin is half on top of him, half squashed between Sehun and the back of the couch, and he's pretty sure that Jongin can hear his heart hammering mercilessly against his ribcage. Or at least he can _feel_ it, given that he's still resting his head against Sehun's chest, his fingers playing with the fabric of his frayed sweater.

He doesn't know how it happens either, but at some point Jongin raises his head and stares at Sehun's mouth, his breath ghosting over it as if waiting for some kind of green light, and it only feels natural, _obvious_ , to close those few centimeters between them and kiss him.

It doesn't feel rushed like last time. Jongin's lips are soft and warm, pressing between Sehun's and making way for his tongue in the strangest mix of impatience and sluggishness. His hands move upwards, sending a jolt up Sehun's spine as the fingers trace paths up his sides. Jongin straddles him in the laziest way possible, taking time to carefully move each of his limbs without detaching their mouths. Sehun takes this as a chance to press his hands around Jongin's waist, and smiles around their kiss when Jongin literally _squirms_ as he pulls their bodies closer. Having Jongin like this, melting between his arms, it just feels _right_.

It would be so easy to let go of any worries and take Jongin just like this, just as he offers himself without regard for anything else in the world. But Sehun's already been in this situation, and maybe it's just muscle memory, maybe the actual memory of Chanyeol's abandoned keys on the kitchen counter, but he pulls away.

“Stop– this is wrong,” Sehun whines, and pushes Jongin off of him with difficulty until his body is free to move and sit up on the couch. “I don't want this.”

Jongin sits up too, confused, staring at him like a deer in headlights. “Did– did I do something wrong?”

“No, it's– I don't know,” Sehun rubs his face with one hand. “This is too sudden.”

“Too sudden?” Jongin echoes. “I– I thought you liked me, what do you mean too sudden?”

“I do! I like you a lot, I just–” Sehun sighs, trying to collect his thoughts. Out of the hundreds of alternative scenarios that went through his mind over the last few months, getting defensive is probably the worst way to admit his feelings. And yet, he can't help but feel hopeful seeing the way the corners of Jongin's mouth curl up in a tiny smile.

“You do?” Jongin asks, cautiously.

“Of course!” Sehun says as if it's the most obvious thing.

“I like you too.” Jongin smiles, a hint of happiness in his voice, and moves to cup Sehun's cheek with his hand before scooting forward.

For once, the bubbly feeling in Sehun's stomach doesn't meddle in his reasoning, and he manages to grab Jongin's wrist and slowly pull his hand away before he gets the chance to get closer.

“No, Nini, this doesn't feel right,” he sighs, catching the way Jongin's face morphs into a sad expression. “I– I don't want to be a rebound.”

“What? No.” Jongin cradles Sehun's face with both hands, looking into his eyes with concern. “No, don't say that, you'd never be a rebound.”

"Jongin, you've just broken up with Chanyeol. It hasn’t even been one day," Sehun deadpans. And it suddenly hits him, because the words came out without even thinking them first, and it's 100% true. Chanyeol's probably been here, in this same couch, just a few hours ago, before getting up and leaving his keys in the kitchen. And as much as Sehun wants this to happen, as much as he wants Jongin, _loves_ Jongin, he loves himself more, or at least enough to not be anyone's second choice.

"Yes, we just broke up. So what? You know how I felt about him. You know I didn't love him, and now you know I have feelings for you. I had them for a long time, Sehun," Jongin pleads, getting increasingly nervous, "but I– I've always thought you didn't lo– _like_ me back," he corrects himself.

Jongin looks around the room, visibly worked up. "You never said anything, you never showed any signs. Hell, you even encouraged me to date Chanyeol, and then you kiss me? What am I supposed to do? Like, should I keep trying to forget my feelings about you, or should I try to do something about them? You've been confusing me for weeks."

"You never said anything to me either," Sehun retorts, trying (and failing) to keep the mood calm.

"I guess it doesn't matter anymore because you already decided I'm using you as a time killer," Jongin bites back, and immediately regrets it, judging by the way his eyes bulge and his mouth is covered with one hand.

"I think I should go," Sehun says as he stands up and walks towards the apartment door. "I don't think I deserve this from you, honestly."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," Jongin says, motionless, from the couch.

Sehun sighs and stops, his hand already around the knob. "I know. I'll call you."

 

 

\---

 

 

Jongdae never takes too well being stood up on his drinking plans, so Sehun was already expecting him to be the most annoying shit as he arrived at the office on Wednesday morning.

Surprisingly enough though, and considering that it's already lunch time, it's fair to say that he's been particularly calm about the change of plans for his usual whining. No _"you're betraying our friendship for a quickie"_ the previous day, no _"you should have come yesterday, we had such a great time"_ during the whole morning. Just a scarce "sup" when he arrived at his desk, and a few sympathetic looks over the cubicle panel when their manager threw a tantrum because his computer was unplugged.

But lunch time is their unspoken together-time and Jongdae slips into his cubicle with his lunch box and a bunch of paper tissues to share.

"So I've been thinking," he starts without any introduction, as if he was just continuing a previous conversation, "we should all get together on Friday."

"Like, go out?" Sehun asks as he unwraps his sandwich. " _We all_ who?"

"You know, like old times, Chanyeol, Jonginnie and you... Sunyoung and Soojung... Yixing, Junmyeon, we can go to Kyungsoo's so he can join us too, what do you think?"

"Old times plus Junmyeon?" Sehun smirks and raises his eyebrows. He still can see that ‘rash’ creeping out the collar of Jongdae's shirt when he moves, and he'd bet he knows who put it there.

"He's a cool guy," Jongdae shrugs. "I'm taking that as a yes, you can't back off now. I don't care who calls you begging for dick at last minute, they can come along and suck you off in the bathroom or something."

"Pretty sure that's not going to happen," Sehun chews around his sandwich, pondering how much he should tell Jongdae. "Chanyeol and Jongin broke up, though. I don't know if they'll be up for your party."

"They _what_ ?!" Jongdae as much as yells, getting judging looks from the rest of the office. "When? _Why_?"

"Not my place to tell, but yeah. They told me yesterday," Sehun says, lowering his voice to avoid being overheard by their coworkers that are still looking in their direction.

"So that's why you stood me up? Not like I was expecting them to last, but wow. So sudden," Jongdae thinks out loud. "Are they talking to each other? I mean, can they be in the same room or do I need to pick a side? Because if I have to pick a side I'm going to ditch them both for a while. Getting in the middle of a couple fight is far from my ideal weekend plan."

"I... I'm not sure, actually," Sehun realizes. "I'll talk to them, see how they're doing."

"I already invited Chanyeol, though. You talk to Jongin, you're conjoined twins anyway," Jongdae jokes, finishing his food and wiping his mouth. "Anyway, I have calls to make, I'm counting you in for Friday."

 

 

\---

 

 

Sehun turns around on his bed for the umpteenth time, already accepting that he's not going to sleep more than 5 hours before he has to get up for work. There's just too much on his mind keeping him awake.

Jongdae is right in a way. Sehun and Jongin are always together, and when they're not, they always know where the other is and why he's not there. So it's weird being at home, late at night, without knowing what Jongin is doing, and, especially, how he is doing.

_“I'll call you,”_ Sehun's brain conveniently decides to remind him saying those exact words. _Damn it_.

He unlocks his phone and looks at the time. 2:14 AM, perfect time to mess with Jongin's sleeping patterns by giving him a call. He still searches Jongin's contact and calls him, because there's no way he's going to fall asleep without doing it, so fuck Jongin, or something.

“Hmms?” he answers after three or four tones.

“Did I wake you up?” Sehun asks, feigning worry.

“Yes, but it's okay,” Jongin groans, and Sehun can hear some shuffling noises in the background. “I fell asleep on the couch, my neck sends thanks.”

Sehun chuckles. “You were watching dramas again?”

“Shut up, they're a lot more interesting than your anime cartoons.” Jongin's pout can be _heard_ over the phone. “What time is it?”

“Late,” Sehun avoids the question.

“Why are you calling me this late in the night then?” Jongin teases, more shuffling heard behind his voice.

“No reason,” Sehun lies.

“For no reason you're awake at 2 a.m when you have work tomorrow and for no reason you decided to call me. Yeah, sounds like the truth.”

“Okay. I couldn't sleep,” Sehun admits.

“And you thought _'hey, if I can't sleep let's call Jongin so he can't sleep either,'_ right?” Jongin laughs, no hint of anger in his voice. “I guess I kind of deserve it; I went off on you for no reason either yesterday. Sorry about that.”

“It's fine, I get it. Too much stuff happening in the same day, it becomes too much to handle,” Sehun says noncommittally. “I don't hate you, I left because it was obvious it was not the right time to talk.”

“Regardless, I'm sorry. And I meant everything I said. Except the part where–”

“It's okay, Jongin,” Sehun interrupts, raising his voice over Jongin's. “I'm not mad at you. Let's talk about something different.”

“Oh so you _had_ a reason to call me then?” Jongin asks with a teasing tone in his voice.

“Not really, I just remembered that Jongdae wants to go out on Friday, all of us. He wanted me to ask you to come.”

“I'm going, Yixing already came to ask me during my choreo class,” Jongin answers enthusiastically, and then falls into silence for a few seconds before continuing. “Unless you don't want me to come.”

“No, of course I want you to come,” Sehun hurries to clear up. “You're my best friend, why wouldn't I?”

“Chanyeol is going too,” Jongin adds after what feels like a long silence, the tone of his voice completely unreadable.

“I see...” Sehun drags the words, not really sure what he should say. “Are... are you worried about that?”

“Not really. He messaged me, told me to go, that he's okay and everything...” Jongin sighs into the phone's speaker, and more shuffling can be heard behind it. “I don't know if he's acting tough or actually being sincere, to be honest.”

“I think he's being sincere in his attempt to be strong,” Sehun amazes himself with his own thoughtfulness, not really sure where that wisdom came from.

“Maybe you're right... I guess I should respect that then,” Jongin half mutters, half whispers, shuffling a bit more.

“Are you in bed?” Sehun asks.

Jongin inhales deeply before answering. “Yes, why?”

“Because I can hear you falling asleep,” Sehun teases.

“M-hmm...”

“Good night, Jongin,” Sehun says and hangs up, not even expecting an answer. And, like magic, he falls asleep too.

 

 

\---

 

 

Friday arrives quickly, and Sehun finds himself getting dragged down the street by a very eager Jongdae before he can even realize that their work week is over.

Kyungsoo gives them that inexpressive look from behind the bar as they step in and immediately moves to pour two beers for them.

Almost everyone is already there, chatting and laughing around their usual spot, today with a conjoint extra table to fit them all in the small space. Jongin is not there yet, Sehun notices. Neither is Yixing, after a second look around the table. Chanyeol greets them with his usual huge grin from the opposite corner, apparently doing just fine.

"Hey, how've you been? I haven't seen you since your birthday," Sunyoung cheers as she sees Sehun, and stands up to give him a quick hug. _The birthday_. Last time she saw him, he was almost crying. Hopefully, she didn’t notice.

"I'm here too, hi, nice to see you, yes I've been doing well thanks for asking," Jongdae intercedes feigning offense, oblivious to Sehun's discomfort.

"Oh shut up Jongdae. I've seen you enough for a lifetime," Sunyoung teases, joking back.

"I never get bored of seeing you, though," Jongdae says with a smirk. And if she doesn't say anything out loud, it doesn't matter, because her smile and the way she glances sideways speak volumes already.

Sehun is used to Jongdae's flirting antics, but he'll always be amazed at the way he does it with literally _everyone_ , even with his own ex years after their breakup, and how it still works every single time. Sehun, on the other hand, has trouble answering with the same enthusiasm. In such a big group of friends, he's completely out of his element, and he never knows how to act in front of so many of people.

Kyungsoo breaks the moment as he arrives with their drinks to the table, and Sehun finds himself getting pushed onto a seat right besides Junmyeon before they all fall back into conversation.

"Hi," Junmyeon greets him with his characteristic tight smile.

"Hi." Sehun is way more uncomfortable that he'd like to admit but, at the same time, he knows that there's no reason for that, so he forces himself to be _nicer_. "Didn't think I'd see you again, how are you doing?"

"I'm great, thanks for asking," Junmyeon smiles, and it's _almost_ the most beautiful thing Sehun's ever seen. "How about you? Better than last time?"

"Kinda," Sehun clears his throat and looks away, a bit taken aback after the question. "So you're friends with Jongdae now?"

Junmyeon smiles again and thinks for a second before actually answering. "Kinda."

"Oh, Yixing! We're here!" Jongdae yells as Yixing goes through the door, followed by a visibly exhausted Jongin. They're probably just out the dance academy, Sehun thinks.

They arrive to the table, carrying two more stools from another table for themselves, and greet everyone before sitting down. Now that they're closer, Sehun notices that Yixing looks tired too, but he masks it better behind a soft smile.

"Tough day at the office, honey?" Jongdae jokes as he nudges Yixing, sitting right next to him.

"We had this free introductory event to promote the academy today, it was literal _hell_ ," Soojung explains, scrunched in one corner that she almost melds with the wall.

“And next week is going to be even worse,” Jongin grumbles, resting his head on his arms braced over the table.

Sehun throws a glance in Chanyeol's direction. He isn't smiling as much as before, but his grin is still there as he listens to Jongin. The theory that he's just acting tough gains strength by the minute.

Yixing smiles so hard that both of his dimples appear on his cheeks. “I'm lucky I won't be here for that.”

“You're leaving?” Sehun finds himself asking, more out of politeness than curiosity, and is startled when Jongin raises his head to pout at him.

“Yixing is abandoning us with the muggles!” he whines.

“We're going to a biker's meet on the other side of the country,” Chanyeol explains, smiling.

“Yeah,” Yixing continues, excited, “I took a full week off for vacation to do this road trip, it's going to be great.”

“Oh? And when did you plan this?” Jongdae asks Yixing, low enough that Sehun almost doesn’t hear it.

Yixing shrugs. "Just yesterday. Why, are you going to miss me?"

"I don't know," Jongdae bites back, "will I really have time to miss you?" He smirks, dragging his glance across the table. Sehun is 100% sure that he's looking at Junmyeon, because he's looking in their direction and there is absolutely no reason for Jongdae to look at Sehun like that.

And, if there was any doubt left, Junmyeon immediately gets up and staggers towards the bar. "I– I'm going to the toilet, do any of you want another beer?"

"I'm good," Yixing says, cackling, "thanks anyway."

Somehow, no one else comments on that. Sehun couldn’t be more confused, but Soojung and Sunyoung get into an argument about the Wonder Woman movie and the group suddenly decides it's a lot more important discerning whether Diana is bisexual or gay, and by the time Junmyeon comes back they're already ordering a second round.

 

 

"Do you want to come with me?" Jongin asks Sehun, both standing on the sidewalk, low enough for the rest of the group to hear while Kyungsoo closes the place.

Sehun's eyes bulge, startled by the offer, and Jongin hurries to explain himself. "I mean– to have a last beer, I didn't mean..."

"I... don't think that's a really good idea." And it isn't, thinking about what happened the last time he took on that offer. It's true that everything's different now, but Sehun is not _that_ drunk to ignore his own judgment. "I think the wisest choice would be to pass on that today."

"But?" Jongin perks up.

"But nothing, that was a closed statement." Sehun tries to reject him in the most careful way possible, but it still breaks his heart how Jongin pouts, extremely disappointed, and fidgets with his hands inside his pockets.

“Are we good?” he asks cautiously.

Sehun looks around. The group is starting to disperse, with Sunyoung and Soojung trying to lure the rest of the guys into going for a last round at their apartment. Jongdae is too busy trying not to throw up on the sidewalk to put up resistance. Yixing is already drifting away down the street, with Chanyeol following closely behind. Kyungsoo is more than eager for that last round, hugging Junmyeon from behind as if they were close friends. No one is really paying attention to them.

“Of course, I thought we already cleared that up.”

Jongin nods, but doesn't seem too convinced. “Yes but... you barely spoke to me today.”

“I barely spoke in general, it's nothing personal,” Sehun says blankly. He doesn't get the fuss, he's never been known for being a talkative person anyway. Still, he can _see_ that Jongin needs something more, some kind of tangible proof that they are still good friends, so he throws an arm around Jongin's shoulders and shakes him playfully, almost making him fall. “Don't pout at me! That stopped working like ten years ago!”

Jongin shoves him away and pouts even harder, almost comically. “That's the biggest lie I've ever heard.”

“Fair enough. I'm still not falling for it today.”

"Okay...” Jongin looks up at Sehun and forces a smile before walking away. “Good night, then."

 

 

\---

 

 

Chanyeol parks his motorbike right in front of Kyungsoo's and gets off gracefully. His brown hair sticks out of the helmet in a fluffy mess, noticeably longer than the last time Sehun saw him.

For some reason, Yixing and Chanyeol's road trip lasted for two more weeks than they originally planned. How they managed to do so without getting fired from their respective jobs is something that remains a mystery, because none of them are giving much detail about what happened when they were away. _"What happens on the road stays on the road,"_ Yixing apparently said to Jongin.

"I'm here! Did you miss me?" Chanyeol cheers with his usual grin on his face.

It's weird watching Jongin hug Chanyeol again. Sehun isn't sure if he feels jealous or just plain uncomfortable, what he's sure about is that he's an _idiot_ for feeling like that. After all, continuing on ignoring his (their) feelings was his own choice.

"I told you to wear sunscreen," Jongin complains examining Chanyeol's arms. They're tanned up to the seam of his sleeve, as if he spent a lot of time under the sun in just a t-shirt.

"I did! I promise. But I got a tan anyway," Chanyeol pouts, and turns to pat Sehun on the shoulder as a greeting. "Let's go inside, I've had a cramp in my leg for half an hour and I couldn't stop in the middle of the freeway."

 

 

Their booth is empty, just like the rest of the pub. Big surprise. The only exception is Soojung, leaning on the bar to talk to Kyungsoo and, somehow, making him laugh so hard that he doesn't even see them entering the place and sit at their table.

"So, how've you been? Did you have fun?" Sehun decides to break the silence.

"Yeah, a lot, actually." Chanyeol smiles brightly for a few seconds, as if he was remembering something that happened during his trip, but then it changes back into a soft smile. "By the way, just putting it on the table: you don't have to pretend in front of me that nothing happened, I'm okay."

Sehun reacts a second too late, but he catches Jongin in the corner of his eye looking down at the table, too obvious in his attempt to avoid dealing with the conversation. He makes a noncommittal sound and gets up.

"I'll go order, I think he doesn't even know we're here," Jongin says. They're still being ignored by a Kyungsoo who’s really immersed in wiping the counter and talking to his only customer at the bar.

Sehun _hates_ the silence that follows, and he hates even more being so uncomfortable with his closest friends. It takes him a while, but ultimately he decides that addressing the elephant in the room is the only way to stop all these awkward situations that have been happening for _weeks_ already.

"Actually–" he croaks, half choking on the word. "Actually, we're not pretending anything. Nothing happened."

"What?" Chanyeol's eyes bulge as he scoots over the table, as if being physically closer to Sehun would make his words easier to understand. "Why? I thought you liked him. Wait, did I read everything wrong? Doesn't he like you back?"

"It's... it's not that," Sehun looks away hesitantly. "I don't think I should talk to you about this, it isn't fair to you."

"No, go ahead, I'm over it," Chanyeol smiles, "like, really. Everything is in the past."

Sehun glances briefly towards the bar, wondering how much time he has. Jongin is sitting in a stool next to Soojung and chatting animatedly with the other two. He probably has more than enough. "Actually... something did happen. That day, after I met you, I went to Jongin's apartment."

"Yeah, I knew that much," Chanyeol nods, encouraging him to continue.

"Well... we made out," Sehun spits out.

"Oh– _oh_. Wow. Okay," Chanyeol sneers. "He didn't want to waste even a day."

Sehun swallows, his throat completely dry, not knowing what to say. He doesn't even move, not wanting to upset Chanyeol even further.

"That actually hurt," Chanyeol says with a forced smile, "I guess I'm not that over him yet."

“I'm sorry... I shouldn't have told you.”

“No, it's okay, I prefer to know,” Chanyeol hurries to say, “it'll help me get him out of my head faster, I guess.”

“It's okay if you're not okay, Chanyeol,” Sehun says looking him in the eye. He's already done enough harm, and the last thing he wants is making him feel even worse after the breakup.

“No, don't worry. So you two made out, go on,” Chanyeol insists.

Sehun ponders for a minute if he should really continue, but Chanyeol is looking at him expectantly, it's not like he has much of a choice by this point. “I... it was actually me, I pulled away.”

“Why?” Chanyeol frowns, confused.

“Isn't it obvious? You just said it. He didn't even wait a day. I didn't want to be your substitute.”

“But you wouldn't,” Chanyeol deadpans, “he's known you for longer than me.”

“That's true, but we were friends – _are_ friends. It's not the same.” Sehun looks again towards the bar. Jongin is still talking to Kyungsoo and Soojung, but he turns his head around as if he could feel that someone was watching him and _smiles_ . And it isn't a regular, friendly smile – Sehun can discern those – but almost _smug_ for catching Sehun looking his way.

“Okay, I– I know he likes me,” Sehun corrects himself, “but _I_ wouldn't have felt nothing more than a rebound if I had went on with it that day.”

Chanyeol looks at him in thought before speaking again. “Okay, that kinda makes sense. But it's been _weeks_.”

“Yeah... I don't know, I just want to make sure that if something happens between us, it is for the right reasons, not just because he's lonely,” Sehun mutters. “We're like we've always been, we talk everyday, we hang out... But I don't think I want to try anything before I'm sure he's over your relationship.”

Chanyeol stares at him and rubs his hands all over his face, groaning loudly. “Sehun, are you dumb?”

“What?”

“Or maybe you _completely_ ignored everything I told you that day, is that it?” Chanyeol asks, and Sehun is pretty sure this is the first time he's ever heard him be condescending.

“What do you mean?”

“Sehun, he's over our relationship. He's probably been over it way before I decided to break up with him,” Chanyeol deadpans. “He never loved me, he only saw me as a good friend to cuddle and occasionally have sex with.”

“Don't say that, Chanyeol,” Sehun interrupts, “you know he didn't see you that way. He really values you, he always did.”

“I don't say it as something bad. I know he genuinely tried, but he never saw me as more than that. He couldn't.”

It's hard to counter that, especially when _deep down_ Sehun knows it is true. In any case, Jongin is coming back to the table and Kyungsoo is (finally) following him with their drinks, so there isn't any chance left for that.

 

 

Sehun loses track of the time as Chanyeol tells them about his road trip stories, which are actually pretty funny, even knowing that he's filtering out the most interesting details.

“Guys, have an eye around while I go to the back for a second,” Kyungsoo shouts from the opposite corner of the place, and immediately disappears behind the wooden door that leads to the storage room.

Sehun didn't notice when Soojung left, but it must not have been too long, judging from the empty glass left on the counter right where she was sitting before.

But they aren't alone for long. The front door opens to let Yixing in, dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, with his wet hair dripping beads of water all over his face. Right out of the shower, probably back from the dance academy.

“Hi guys,” he greets Sehun and Jongin before turning to Chanyeol, “I'll go to the toilet and we'll leave, get ready.”

Yixing jogs away without another word, leaving Jongin and Sehun confused about what just happened.

“Ah, a relative of his is visiting this weekend... I promised I'd take him to the airport in the car,” Chanyeol shrugs.

Sehun exchanges one look with Jongin before looking back at Chanyeol. “Are you two...?”

“What? No! After what happened with Jongin I want to be single for a while,” Chanyeol says, and turns to speak at Jongin. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Jongin says dryly.

“I need some self-love before trying to love a different person, you know?” Chanyeol says, a bit too cheery for the topic. “Besides, I don't want to get in the middle of that weird thing that Yixing and Jongdae have going on.”

Jongin frowns and looks at Sehun. “Didn't you say that Jongdae was hooking up with Junmyeon?” Because, yes, suspiciously enough, Jongdae had stopped inviting Sehun to his after-work pizza dinners, and the purple marks under his collar had been pretty consistent for these past few weeks for Sehun not to notice (and gossip around with Jongin).

Sehun turns to Chanyeol for an explanation a bit too late, though.

“I'm ready, let's go,” Yixing appears urging Chanyeol to leave. “I think we're late so you'll have to step on it, I'm sorry. Bye guys.”

And with that, they disappear through the front door before Sehun has even the chance to say goodbye.

“Chanyeol didn't pay for his drink, did he?” Jongin states more than he asks.

Sehun sighs. Chanyeol always does this. “I hate him.” He doesn’t hate him, though.

 

 

\---

 

 

God knows what took Kyungsoo so long in the storage room, but he doesn't come back out until almost an hour later, visibly exhausted and sweaty. Not that it mattered – there were exactly zero customers in that entire period and the only thing Jongin and Sehun had to do was pour their own beers.

“So– um. I'm going home," Jongin says tentatively. "Wanna come?"

"Sure." Sehun will never understand how his mouth always seem to speak on its own without waiting for confirmation from the brain.

"It's okay if you don't, I'm just– _wait_ , really?" Jongin's eyes widen as he smiles, surprised but way too happy to be able to conceal it.

"Yeah, why not?" Sehun shrugs nonchalantly, just accepting the fate he's thrown onto himself although he's actually kind of freaking out inside, and starts walking on the direction of Jongin's apartment. At least this way, walking ahead of him, Jongin can't see his face.

The earlier conversation with Chanyeol is still resonating in his mind, making him wonder about all the possibilities. What could happen if he were to make a move. What would happen if things didn't work out. Because, to be honest with himself, it isn't the first step what scares him (for better or worse, he’s already past that point) but the consequences, how their relationship would change, the millions of ways their friendship could crumble and disappear.

"So we're doing the annual showcase at the academy next week, you will come, right?" Jongin asks from behind.

"Huh?" Sehun asks intelligently and slows down to let Jongin catch up.

"Since you've come see me every year... but it's okay if you don't want to come this time," Jongin mutters looking down at the sidewalk.

Sehun doesn't know what to say. Of course he wants to go see Jongin's performance and support him as he's always done, but the way he's speaking... there's a good reason why he's asking Sehun if he wants to go. It's too... date-like. It's always been, but it never mattered, or at least they were better at acting oblivious.

"It doesn't matter," Jongin tries his best to put a bright smile on his face. "Let's go upstairs."

As it seems, they've already arrived in front of Jongin's apartment, so Sehun just nods and follows him inside the building.

The staircase's light is broken and Jongin has given up on trying to turn it on after pressing the switch about fifteen times. There's some light coming in through the glass panes in one side of the building, but they still have to walk up the stairs and across the hallway with a hand on the wall to avoid tripping and falling.

Sehun bumps into Jongin before realizing that he's stopped in front of his door, making him gasp and drop the keys to the floor in surprise.

"Sorry," Sehun whispers. Somehow, the fact that they're alone in the dark makes the whole situation feel as if they were doing something wrong and they had to keep it quiet.

"It's– it's okay," Jongin breathes out, trapped between the door and Sehun. He makes to kneel down to get the keys, but he doesn't have enough space to move. Sehun notices but doesn't move away. Instead, he moves closer, resting his hands against the door on both sides of Jongin's head.

He doesn't know what possessed him. It probably has something to do with the atmosphere. The darkness, the silence, the closeness, everything makes it feel _intimate_.

Of course things can go wrong between them, that possibility will always be there. But what if they don't? What if he doesn't even give it a chance and he loses Jongin – _again_ ? What if he wastes the rest of his life wondering about these _'what if'_ s just because he chickened out when he had the chance right in front of him?

It surprises him to feel a hand against his cheek and a pair of lips against his mouth. It lasts barely a second, but just enough to leave a lingering tingling on his own lips and a craving that has his whole body pleading for more.

All his previous doubts disperse so easily that it's almost ridiculous, and he chuckles to himself before pressing his body against Jongin's. His eyes glisten under the little light in the corridor as he looks up at Sehun, hesitant, trying to guess the next right step, but he doesn't get the chance to do anything else, because Sehun leans closer and kisses all his hesitations away.

It's soft and cautious at first, testing around and savoring the moment. It feels liberating, in a way, finally kissing Jongin without second thoughts. Like getting a weight off his shoulders.

But it soon turns more intense as Sehun decides to let his hands roam down Jongin's back and deepen the kiss, licking past his mouth. It only takes one hard bite at the lower lip to force a groan out of Jongin, and he gets back in full force panting against Sehun's mouth and grabbing at Sehun's shirt with both hands in an attempt to pull him closer.

It feels justified, in the middle of the night's darkness, to let himself go. So Sehun pulls away from Jongin's mouth and scoots forward, latching his own lips against the lean muscles of Jongin's neck. Sehun can't help but chuckle at the way Jongin grips onto his hips, pressing their bodies together as he licks a stripe up the side of the neck before sucking hard on the thin skin beneath the ear. It's enough to pull a soft moan out of Jongin's mouth and make Sehun want to kiss him again, harder, for longer, and forget about everything else.

But suddenly, a bright light falls over them and they break the kiss, startled and squinting at the source. Jongin's neighbor from across the corridor, a Chinese old lady that doesn't seem too amused at public displays of affection, or gay men, (or _both_ , judging by the shocked look on her face) is staring at them from her threshold.

Jongin hastily pushes Sehun away and clears his throat. "Good evening, Mrs. Wu."

She glances between the both with a disapproval look and fixes her glasses up her nose. "I heard noises. Do you have trouble with your door? My nephew is a locksmith, I can call him."

Jongin squats and recovers the keys from the floor, hurrying to unlock his door. "No, thank you, everything's good. Sorry to disturb you this late."

Sehun is dragged inside the apartment and bursts out laughing as soon as the door is closed. Jongin blocks his mouth and throws him a glare, but ultimately starts laughing too.

"Shut up, it's not funny! She's always complaining, now it's going to be even worse!" Jongin says, shoving Sehun's chest lightly without stopping laughing himself.

"Is she always like that? I was wondering if that was a 'kids these days' face or a homophobic one, I'm a bit relieved." Sehun walks towards the bedroom without any invitation and lets himself fall on the bed, limbs sprawled over the blankets, and closes his eyes.

"I wouldn't rule anything out, to be honest," Jongin says.

Sehun can feel the bed dipping, so he opens his eyes again. Jongin is sitting right next to him, with one leg folded on the mattress and his head propped on an arm, looking down at Sehun and smiling like it was the happiest day of his life. He truly looks beautiful when he smiles, all white teeth and crinkly eyes and cute dimples.

"You're beautiful," Sehun bursts out, and this time he doesn't even care about speaking without thinking first, because Jongin smiles impossibly harder and _blushes_.

"Shut up," he mutters and looks away trying to control his expression, but only changes into a smug grimace.

"I mean it, look at you all flustered, that's cute," Sehun teases, and tries to take Jongin's face between his hands but he slips away, dropping to the mattress and hiding in the crook of Sehun's neck.

"Are you going to be this sappy all the time now?" Jongin whines against Sehun's exposed skin and throws an arm over his body, hugging his waist.

"I don't know, haven't we always been like this already?" Sehun asks out loud, more to himself than to Jongin, bringing a hand up to comb with his fingers through Jongin's hair locks. It's weird how suddenly the realization hits him after so many years, that their friendship always had been a bit on the touchy, flirty side, and he wonders how many years they had wasted in denial. But it doesn't really matter now, because everything had led to this point anyway, and it feels right for them – they've never been two to make rushed decisions.

"So... you want us to be together now or...?" Jongin mutters against Sehun's neck. He sounds muffled, but not enough to mask the embarrassment in his voice.

Sehun smiles to himself and presses a soft peck on Jongin's temple. It's as if Jongin had read what he was just thinking. "I think we shouldn't rush into anything. After all these years, we can afford to take things slow for a little while more."

Jongin raises his head at that, grinning and nodding in approval. "Let's go sleep."

They undress without even getting up the bed, and Sehun doesn't even bother with his pajama shirt. Jongin tries to go fetch it, but is stopped by two arms circling around his waist and dragging him back into bed and under the blankets.

Sehun doesn't let go even when Jongin stops resisting, hugging him from behind with his bare chest against Jongin's back. He's never got many chances to spoon Jongin like this, burying his nose in Jongin's hair and taking in the soft aroma of his mint scented shampoo mixed with Jongin's characteristic smell – halfway between spicy and sweet.

"I love you, Nini," Sehun's mouth slips again, and he freezes, not knowing what to expect from Jongin. “I'll go see your performance at the showcase,” Sehun remembers to answer, trying to deflect the attention from his previous words.

"I love you too," he answers, whispering, and turns around in Sehun's arms to place the softest kiss on his lips. "But I thought you just said you wanted to take things slow."

Sehun chuckles and pretends to shove Jongin away, but only hugs him closer to not let him see the stupid smile that crept onto his face.

 

 

"Sehun?"

"Hm?" Sehun answers idly, trying to stay awake for a bit longer.

"Tomorrow... Wake me up before you go," Jongin pleads, softly. And Sehun suddenly remembers all the times that he's left him to wake up alone after sleeping together for fear of what could happen, of what he could say. But there's no need to run and hide anymore, because all their feelings are already in the open, and he couldn’t be happier about it.

"Of course. Tomorrow I'll stay with you."


End file.
